And I Must Scream
by Rinima256
Summary: "Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you." When Spain is broken by an unforeseen event, who will be there to pick up the pieces? Warning: rape, suicidal thoughts, DARK!
1. Chapter 1

"Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you." - _Jean-Paul Sartre_

* * *

The rain wasn't far off. Spain could tell as he walked through the darkened alleyway that he had twenty minutes tops to get back to his hotel room before the downpour would start and drench him. He really didn't want to develop a cold, not with the next seven days coming up: the world meeting in Australia. Oh how Spain disliked these meetings. No one ever got any work done and all they did was squabble. The only one who ever seemed to be interested in the meeting anyway was Germany. But Germany took everything, including himself, too seriously.

Spain had just been out drinking with Prussia and France, a meeting tradition if you will. Before every meeting, the three would go out and drink, not enough that they would be nursing hangovers the next day, but just enough to get tipsy. Due to the weather though, their usual drinking match had been cut short, leaving Spain with nothing more than a pleasant buzzing and a slight stumble in his steps. The warmth he felt, residue from the last drink, reached all the way from his fingers to his velcro - why not be a bit modern - clad feet.

Lovi – his lovely, lovely Lovi – would be annoyed when he got back of course. He wasn't meant to be back for another 3 hours, and Lovi enjoyed his alone time. Whatever he did during that time, Spain didn't know. All he knew was that Lovi would enjoy this part of the week long meetings the most. This was a fact. As much as it disappointed Spain that Lovi would rather be without him, he knew that it couldn't be helped, if he forced himself on Romano, the likelihood of said nation blowing a fuse on his extremely short temper would tenfold. An angry Lovi was a dangerous Lovi.

Maybe if he'd spend less time wondering on how dangerous Lovi was, he'd have noticed a much more pressing danger that would shatter Spain beyond recognition.

The shadow's seemed to move around the slightly tipsy nation, who didn't seem to understand what was going. A man, mid 40's, shaven head and sharp grey eyes, walked out from a side alley and leaned heavily on the wall opposite to Spain. Looking him up and down, Spain thought he saw a spark in the man's eyes. And it wasn't the good kind. Stumbling backwards away from this man, Spain hit the wall, and before he knew it, the man was uncomfortably close. Now normally, Spain wouldn't be worried by this, he may even be amused. But because of the alcohol still circulating his system, his footing was unstable and he had a funny feeling that his man was quite strong, stronger than Spain in his current state.

"Going somewhere, sweetheart?" Spain couldn't answer, his throat had closed up. Fear overriding his primary senses, he tried to make a bolt for it. A fist caught Spain quickly, hitting him squarely in the stomach. Coughing up, Spain was forced back into his previous placement. Glancing up, the man now wore a snarl on his face rather than the calm facade that he had before. Narrowing his eyes, the grey darkened, leaving the eyes nearly black.

"You fucking whore, you're not going anywhere until I'm done with you."

Spain did not squeak. It wasn't in his nature to squeak at threats like that. He merely glared up at the man - why did he have to be shorter than him? - and moved his hands up to his chest, ready to shove this stranger away at the first chance. Naturally, it didn't quite work out for the Spaniard. He soon found his hands bound above his head with a thick piece of rope. The rope was rough, which didn't do wonders for the wrists that it was tied around, already a harsh red. Gasping slightly from the pain in his wrist, Spain tried to wriggle away from the man, who had one hand on the bound wrists. This had no effect on the predator, or so Spain though until he felt a weight on his thighs. Gulping, he slowly looked down, face red when he realized what it was. Oh god. He was going to be raped. A large hand grasped his hair tightly and shoved his head back before moving to his chin and forcing him to open his mouth.

A foreign object was forced into his mouth and moved along the nations gums, the hand never moving, rendering Spain unable to do anything, nothing, not even bite down on the tongue. Squirming against the other, trying to get free, proved to be ineffective when all that happened was a moan vibrated in Spain's mouth from the other man, the fiction causing him the get harder, and with a terrified though, Spain couldn't help but notice his own body responding in a similar way as his jeans became tighter. _No, please no, I don't want this. Anything but this. _

"You enjoying yourself down there slut?" The smirk could be heard in the man's voice, licking around Spain's vision as his hand moved down to grasp at the hardening length of the Spanish man. Shaking his head almost desperately, a whimper emerged from bruised lips. "I-I'm not a slut." The words slipped out like a whisper, a ripple on water. Hardly there. The man paused his actions and looked at Spain's face before a grin split his face in two.

"We'll see about that."

Breaths came out of the panicking nation sharper and quicker, he was unhealthily close to hyper-ventilating. His legs and voice pulled into action as a hand closed around his zipper and started to put it down. He screamed and kicked as if it was the only thing left, which for him, it was. A hand hastily covered his mouth; only allowing murmurs though and a quick knee to the crouch area stopped his kicking as pain spread though his body as he coughed up. The hand was soon once again at the zipper to his jeans as it pulled it all the way down. Spain tensed up and squeezed his eyes shut as he felt skin touch around the waistline and slowly pulled the jeans down. He couldn't get out, it was going to happen. _God please, whatever I've done, I'm sorry, please, please just make this stop. _There was no answer to the distraught Spaniard. Legs made to wrap around the other's waist - when did he take his trousers off? - , Spain felt a pressure at his arsehole before -

"AAHHHH!" God it hurt, it hurt so much! The tight opening was forced open and made to stretch far more than it was meant to. Lack of preparation was not boding well for the tanned nation, his muscles screamed in protest. _No, no, no, this is not happening, this can't be happening… _Spain was faintly aware of the moans coming from the man and cries of 'so tight' and the blood trailing down his own legs. His arms where sore above his head and an angry red. He gave up. There was no point anymore. He felt dirty, and used, and utterly _worthless_. The deep cuts forming on his back due to the rough wall where all but lost on the broken man. All he could hope for now was for it to end soon. It felt like an eternity. Finally, after what seemed like forever, the man came inside Spain and pulled out. Letting himself slid to the floor, Spain just stared at the wall on the other side of the alleyway. It was over. Or so he though, not thirty seconds went by before the man griped his hair once again and pulled him up, causing the nation to groan as a wave of pain hit his lower back and his stomach churned uncomfortably.

"I'm not done yet slut." Spain's eyes widened slightly at the sight of the knife. He… he wasn't going to… was he? The man noticed the nation glancing down at his member and grinned before shaking his head. Going down until he was level with Spain's stomach, he paused and tilted his head, as if in thought of how to do whatever he was doing. What was he doing? Spain soon found out as the knife pierced the skin just below the tummy button and kept on carving. Spain didn't really even care anymore. It didn't matter if scars marred him now, he was already ugly. Who could ever look at him again without disgust? He was just a worthless slut who didn't deserve to be happy. When the man had finished whatever he was doing, he stood up, untied his arms, and left, leaving Spain to lie on the floor.

Spain wasn't sure how long he was there for. All he was aware off was the starting of the rain and how much his back hurt. He was going to be limping for weeks… how was be going to hide this from Lovi? From everyone else. They couldn't know. Ever. Spain didn't think he could bare being… being looked at with the disgust he knew would come should be tell anyone. Slowly, but surely, he got up, pulled his jeans back up and made his way back to the hotel.

He didn't notice the blood trail he left behind him.

* * *

To say that Romano was pissed would an understatement. The tomato bastard was meant to be back half an hour ago. France had called him up to tell him that Spain would be back early, somehow knowing that Spain would forget to phone Romano himself to tell him so. That in its self had annoyed the personification of South Italy. He was hoping for some time alone before the meeting started as Feli and Spain would be hanging onto him as soon as it did start, leaving him feeling crowded.

So not only did he have his alone time cut into, but he had to go wait for the bastard to get back to make sure he was safe - his sense of self was always damaged when he's been drinking - and he was late! The nerve of the man! _I swear, the moment he_ _comes through that door, he's in for a head-butt._

His head shot up from the magazine - 'Good Food', aka, English food. Ugh - when a door opened to revel the Spanish man. _He looks like shit. Obviously the rain wasn't enough to stop his drinking habits. Looked like he's been in a fight as well, hair stuck up all over the place, the limp. Stupid bastard. Making me wait just because he wanted to impress a girl most likely. _Romano couldn't help but think the angry thoughts, his mood getting even worse.

"L-lovi? Wh-hat are you-u still doing u-up?" The Italian narrowed his eyes and glared at the other. He was acting ashamed, eyes on the ground and sweeping around, hands fidgeting in his pockets. Good, he though, the bastard deserved it, especially if he got beaten in a fight as his body language suggested.

"I was waiting for you tomato bastard. France called me to tell me you would be back earlier." Not that he really was. Romano just wanted to punch the man for making him stay up for him as Spain back away from the fuming Italian. _Yea, you better be scared._ Romano really was pissed beyond hell.

"Just fuck off and go to bed." Not bothering to watch if the other was following, Romano turned his back to the Spaniard and headed to bed.

* * *

When Spain finally got to his room - thankfully, he hadn't run into anyone else on the way up - the first thing he did was take a bath. Running the water till it was lukewarm - he didn't want to burn himself on top of everything - and striping off. Momentarily, he was curious as to what the man has done to his stomach, just what had been carved into him? His curiosity soon disappeared when he realised that is wouldn't be pretty by any man's standard, and he wanted his bath before he was too tired.

Wincing as he lifted his legs over the side of the bath and slipping down into the water, Spain let out a hiss of pain. It hurt more to sit down than it did to walk, that could be said for certain. Slowly, he began to wash himself of the grime that had collected on his body, being careful of the cuts along his back. Somehow, he avoided looking at his stomach, not really wanting to see. He got the feeling he wouldn't like it. The last place to wash was his anus. A white substance had already started to mix into the bath water, which was pink from the blood of the exact same place. Carefully, he reached down with the flannel and started to rub slightly at the opening, forcing more of the white stuff to leak out. _Out, out, it has to come out, I don't want it there! _Somehow, he managed to get most of the stuff out, but some remained, and probably wouldn't come out on its own for quite some time, unless… unless he used his fingers, but he really didn't want to do that. One unwanted object was enough for the poor man in one night.

Lifting himself back out of the bath tub, Spain wrapped a towel around his head, stuck on a t-shirt and pant, walked back into the room with the bed, and promptly fell asleep.

* * *

The next morning was no more pleasant for Spain, the first thing him feeling was an ache along his back. Sitting put to quickly had Spain heaving in pain for a couple of minutes before he finally managed to stop himself being sick all over the bed sheets. _Not that it really matters what I look or smell like… still, I don't want to cause a bother for the staff. _As soon as he felt he was ready, and a quick glance at the clock, he pushed onto his feet and padded across the room, his limp not quite as obvious as the previous night. If he was careful, he could hide it. Since he was late getting up, he didn't really have time for breakfast, not that he was very hungry anyway, so he just tossed on some cloths - new, clean cloths. The one's from the night before lay forgotten on the floor at the end of the bed - and walked down to the meeting room. He was a little early, but he was sure that Germany and Italy would already be there.

Taking a deep breath to calm himself - _I need to act normal, I need to act normal_ - Spain opened one of the double doors and stepped in. True to his thoughts, Germany and Italy were already there. However, who he was not expecting was Prussia. Due to his status as an ex-nation, it was rare that Prussia was allowed in the meetings. Even if he was still a nation, the meetings would be more… interesting. Every time Prussia was in a meeting, something HAD to happen, such as last time when he somehow managed to get pink paint all over the room - much to the delight of Poland. Now, Prussia being here could either work very well for Spain, or it could go very, very wrong. Because of his nature, Prussia tended to bring attention to himself, and that was always trouble. But it would mean that no one would be paying any attention to him. However, if he was to somehow get involved with Prussia's antics… he had no idea what would happen.

"Kesesese. Hey Spain, look, the awesome me is here!" Ignoring the annoyed look from Germany, Prussia strode over to Spain and basically jumped on him. Spain was rather surprised when he winced. He shouldn't be winching, it was only Prussia. Yet somehow, he couldn't help but be a little afraid of the albino. If Prussia noticed though, he chose to ignore it. Germany however, did notice, and raised an eyebrow at him. Italy remained oblivious as always. Gulping, Spain detected Prussia from his middle - it still hurt from the cuts - and tried to smile at Prussia. This seemingly put Germany's suspicions at rest and Prussia just grinned right back before moving back to his seat to wait for the meeting to start while talking to Italy. Spain was soon seated in his own seat, opposite of where France would be sitting and next to where Lovi would be sitting. Twenty minute later, the meeting started. And naturally, it fell into chaos within the first five minutes.

While England and America where arguing about one of America's many idea's that involved hero's, Prussia winked at France and Spain and slipped - unnoticed by Germany - under the table. Spain observed France smirk slightly before feeling a tap on his knee, looked down to find the Prussian grinning back up at him. Tilting his head as a question, Spain blinked and moved ever so slightly away from the other, causing him to frown and crawl away. _Just what is he planning? God, please don't let it be anything involving me… _Spain let his head fall to the table once Prussia had moved away. He was tired; he didn't get much sleep that night and as a result, was knackered now. Not that he would be able to fall asleep here with so many people around.

His short sort-of nap was soon interrupted when Prussia's plan started to happen. The first victim of the ex-nation was Japan - heaven's knows why - when England's rant got stopped with Japan jumping up and looked over at China, who received what was quite possible the most polite glare Spain had ever seen.

"I would appreciate it if you would not do that China-san." The Chinese nation just blinked in surprise before a scowl crossed his features. "And what would THAT be aru?" Then, in a situation very much like what Japan did, China jumped up and started to glare at… him. Spain. Wait? What was going on? What had Prussia done? "You. What the hell are you doing aru?" What happened? Spain didn't understand, and it was clearly shown on his face that he didn't know what was going on. China was about to open his mouth again when Spain felt something on his legs. Eyes widening slightly as he looked down. He wasn't what it was, but it was crawling up his leg towards his crouch, before it finally stopped there. Spain could help but start panicking. _No. No no no no no. Not again, I don't want that again. I don't want to be that sort of person. Please don't make me do that again._

_"Going somewhere, sweetheart?"_

_"You fucking whore, you're not going anywhere until I'm done with you."_

_"You enjoying yourself down there slut?"_

_"We'll see about that."_

_ "I'm not done yet slut."_

_I'm not a whore. I'm not a slut. Right? But surely… if that had happened… what if that did make him a whore? Did having another man, a stranger, fuck him make him a slut…? _

Other nations quickly picked up on his panicking state and looked a bit shocked. It was clear that whatever had happened to Japan and China was happening to Spain, but why was he acting differently? Why wasn't he having a go at someone? Why did he look so scared?

Spain's body froze up as it began to move in a rocking motion and started to breath heavily. Hands grabbed at the table and pushed so he wouldn't be near the object anymore. He couldn't help himself; he curled up into a ball and started shaking, little gasps and groans slipping past his lips and into the tense air that had built up around the room. Murmurs started to be passed along the nations, many asking what was happening, others excited at this new development in the Spanish man.

"Hey Dude, are you alright?" America's question sent shock wave though him as he slowly looked up from his knees and saw that pretty much every eye in the room was on him. Oh shit. Did they know? Could they sense it? No, He didn't want to seen as a whore. It would hurt too much.

"I-I need… I don't want…" Spain bolted up and practically flung himself out of the room. Not sure where he was going. All he knew was that he had to get away.

* * *

Romano had no idea as to what was going on as he watched Spain flee from the room, not quite sure what just happened. One minute he was sitting there, quite happily –_well, maybe not happily, this is a meeting after all, and he did look quite tired… - _dozing, not really paying attention, like Spain does, the next, looking scared shitless and very nearly looking like he could breakdown.

Naturally, he was worried. Not that he would ever admit to that.

"Well… I better go see what's wrong with the bastard." Resigning himself to following Spain, Romano was just about to leave the room when France piped up "Maybe I should come with you oui? Who knows where our Toni has gotten too." Nodding in agreement, Romano took the upper floors while France took the lower ones. It didn't take Romano long to find the scared nation, three floors up from the meeting, hiding in one of the bathrooms, shaking like a leaf, desperately trying to hold back tears.

Romano blinked in surprise, never had he seen Spain look… so broken, so small. It briefly made Romano wonder if he had looked like that as a child when he was sad, or distressed. But what could Spain be distressed about? And Spain was never sad, he just couldn't be. Which made Romano wonder just what else could cause the man to fold in like this? _Pain? _The injuries from last night couldn't be that bad right? Unless… they weren't just physical. Just what had happened last night? Spain couldn't have become that attached to a girl in just one night could he? Romano lowered himself to Spain's level and slowly crawled towards the shaking nation who had yet to realize that he was there. Placing a hand on one of Spain's legs caused the nation to jerk up and back away from him, staring at him with wide, scared eyes and with the beginnings of tears held within them, none had fallen - _yet. _

"Spain… what's wrong? What happened?" Spain simply shook his head and averted his eyes to the ground, preferring to not look him in the eye. Anger was soon forgotten at Spain's reluctance to speak when he started shaking again and muffled moans leaked though his hand which he had put over his mouth. He wasn't going to be sick was he? "Spain." Said with a stern voice that could rivals Germany's caused Spain to look back up and move closer to Romano. Romano took the hint, sat beside Spain, and gathered him into his arms until the shaking stopped a little. Stroking the curly locks softly, Romano asked again "Spain, what happened?" Breathe still shaky and voice weak, Spain answered "Promise you won't think any differently of me." Nodding his head once, Romano looked down at the nation on his chest and waited.

"I…" the tears finally started to come. One by one, they made tracks down Spain's cheeks.

"I was raped."

* * *

Ahhhh, it feels good to have this out. Been working on it for 3 days straight!

It's shitty. I don't like it :( But it will have to do.

So the idea for this came, weirdly enough, from HetaOni, well that and 'Behind the Mask' by Kimanda.

Link: s/6333240/1/Behind-the-Mask

Go and read if you have time, it's really good.

Though I'm not sure why this came from that :\ There only a little related and it's not obvious why until later in the story…

I SHALL UPDATE! EVEN IF THIS IS HATED! I SHALL DO IT!

God, putting this up has made me nervous.

This may or may not end up being a RomaSpa. I can't really say for certain at this point.


	2. Chapter 2

Spain whispered out the three words that seemed to slide so softly off his tongue. He didn't want to say them, but he had to, if he didn't tell someone, he would break. It was too hard to keep it to himself, he needed a shoulder. He let himself fall apart on the younger nation's chest, cries ringing out across the room and into the empty cracks. He shouldn't be this weak, why was he falling apart like this? Damn it he should be stronger! He was an empire after all, no matter how long ago it was! Somehow, it didn't seem like it mattered at this moment in time. All that mattered was him, Romano, and the pain in his heart and head.

Slightly managing to stop his whimpers and cries, Spain risked a glance up at Lovi, gauging his reaction to the nation's breakdown. What met him was a shocked Lovino staring back down at him, which was soon covered with a face like thunder. "Which one of them did this to you?" Spain tilted his head, not understanding the younger nation. _Which who? He doesn't think… he doesn't think one of the other nations did this to me does he?_ "Lovi… it wasn't one of the nations if that's what you're getting at." His voice still had the odd hiccup, but overall, it was much better than it had been just five minutes ago. "It was a human."

Anger soon faded to shock again and then back to anger. "What do you mean a human?" Spain was pushed roughly of the chest of Lovino onto the floor. "Are you doing this just to get attention? Just to get me to be nice to you? Cause it's a pretty shitty way of doing it. Honestly Spain, I fucking expected more of you." Snapped Lovino, getting up off the floor and dusting himself down as if to rid the Spaniard of his clothes. "W-what? You think I'm ly-ying?" Spain stared at Lovi in shock, not sure what just happened. Did he honestly think he was lying? When was the last time Spain had cried? When was the last time he ran away from a simple prank? "Yes Spain. I think your lying. You're a liar, and selfish don't care what other people have to go through! And people wonder why rape isn't reported often? Or rapists get off so easily? IT'S BECAUSE OF PEOPLE LIKE YOU!" Spain didn't understand? Why was Lovi yelling at him? Why… why did his chest hurt so much? Was he crying again? He ached all over. It hurt so much, he couldn't breathe. _Wait, Lovi's walking away, no, please don't leave me! I don't want to be alone. Please! It hurts too much. Help me, please Lovi please._

* * *

For the second time in two days - something told him that this meeting was going to be a long one - Romano was pissed, no, scratch that, furious at his previous caregiver. How dare he claim he's been raped by a human! That was just insulting. Because of the nature of a nation, even in his tipsy state, Spain would have been able to shove the man - presuming it was a man - off if he really didn't want to get fucked. It really did - hm? Looking down at the sudden pressure on his middle, Romano found Spain had latched himself onto Romano from the behind "Don't leave… please don't leave me…" gasps came from him as he got his tears under control "I-It hur-rts. Lovi it hurts so much. My head is so confused, my chest is screaming and my back aches… it shouldn't be aching like that Lovi. It shouldn't! Please believe me…" Romano unlatched Spain and spinning towards him, and pulled him up quickly and roughly by the cuff of his jumper. Spain's eyes widened and let out a small squeak of what seemed to be surprise.

"Look Spain…. what's that?" Romano asked as a smidgen of red appeared in the corner of his eye. Looking down it seemed like… was that blood? But where did it come from. It was all over the floor. It wasn't there last time Romano looked, but then again, he wasn't really looking at the floor. He looked down at his trousers and for the first time realised that they too had blood on them, but where could have this blood come from. "Spain, turn around. Turn around now." Slowly, the nation turned his back to Romano, muscles tensed and fists balled up. Oh shit. That's where it was all coming from. Shit shit shit shit shit. Now he would have to admit to being wrong, there was definitely nothing normal about this, no way in hell would casual sex do this to a person.

"Spain… I-I'm sorry, I didn't reali-" "No. Nunca lo haces." Romano stepped back in shock. Spain sounded beyond boiling point, that much was obvious, stood there, hands clenched so hard the skin was turning white. "Spain, we have to tell China." The reaction to that was nothing like Romano expected, he was expecting a short silence and then Spain agreeing and coming back to the hotel room. However, what he got was "NO! We can't tell anyone about this! No one! I can act normal. I can be good, but please, please don't tell anyone!" Why was he acting like this? This wasn't the Spain Romano had grown up with, the one that was always happy and couldn't read the atmosphere for shit. Why hadn't Romano seen this earlier, then he may not have upset the nation so much.

"Why? Tell me Spain, because I sure as hell don't understand." Wincing back and turning his eyes once again to the floor, opened his mouth, and shut it again before closing his eyes and sliding to sit on the blood covered floor. "I don't want to be seen as a slut… if they know… that's what they'll think of. You did - don't deny it - and your meant to be the person I'm closest to… I- I can't… I don't want to be seen like that I-" Spain once again covered his mouth like before as if trying to keep from being sick. Romano just raised an eyebrow and replied "Spain. China won't think of you like that. I'm sorry for… jumping to conclusions, but once I saw… this, I knew you weren't lying, China will get it. And besides, it not like he can tell anyone else, patient confidentiality and all that." Spain just continued to stare at the floor and Romano was sure he could hear the other's heartbeat, duh dum, duh dum.

_Has… has he been acting like this all morning? How did I not notice? How did no one else notice?_ "Okay." The single word was all the permission Romano needed to fling an arm around Spain's waist and pulled him up, as it quickly becoming apparent that Spain couldn't walk very far on his own. "That's why I only went up three floors. If I could, I would have gone all the way back to the hotel, but I pretty much started bleeding as soon as I got out, good thing none of it got on the floor right?" Romano disagreed pretty quickly on that one. Hell, if he'd seen the blood before, he might have found Spain quicker, or not yelled at him like he did.

It quickly became apparent that the two of them couldn't go back the normal way, so Romano did a quick run through in his head of the longer way back that meant they were unlikely to run into anyone. This however, was put on hold when he realised that Spain would barely make it back the normal way, let alone the long way. With that in mind, he picked Spain up onto his back, despite the other nation's rejections, and processed to carry him. About half way back, he remembered that France was still looking for Spain, and that he should probably call him.

"Romano? Did you find him oui? Where was he? Where are you?" Romano let out an annoyed puff before answering "France, calm down. We're on our way back to the hotel; could you go and get China for me? I need him to take a look at Spain." "What for?" "I'd… rather not tell you. At least not yet." At that comment, Spain sent a wary glance in his direction and then put his head back on Romano's shoulder. "Okay, I'll head back up now." After saying their goodbyes, Romano and Spain spent the rest of the journey back in silence.

* * *

France flipped his phone shut and started to walk back up to the meeting room, wondering what was going on. _What had happened to Spain? Was he hurt? "Could you go get China for me?" That was a stupid question. Of course he's hurt, why else would Romano want China there for?_ Sighing as he walked up yet more stairs - why did they have to have the meeting so far up in a building with no elevators? – France couldn't help but be worried for the slightly younger nation. What was wrong with him? He seemed perfectly fine when he parted from Prussia and himself last night? Had something happened on the way back? Prussia and I are staying in the same hotel so could watch each other's back… but Spain doesn't have that. Could he have been attacked? But what sort of attack could set Spain on edge like that? Or what could set Spain on edgy like that?

Finally, France arrived back at the meeting, where low and behold, another argument had started up. But unlike last time, it wasn't over some trivial matter that France couldn't be bothered to get into. This time, it was about Spain.

"No, Spain was kidnapped by aliens and replaced! That's why he's acting so strange!" Claimed the loud-mouthed American. This was one of the many theories that flew over the French nation's head as he made his way through the room, somewhere in the back of his mind, he noticed that England was unnaturally quiet in the corner, just watching the chaos. But England wasn't his main priority right now. Right now, he had to find China. Spying China in the corner with Japan and South Korea, France briskly walked over to them and started the conversation.

"Bonjour China, I trust you and Japan have sorted your mess out?" China looked at France with suspicion. It wasn't surprising; it was rare the two interacted. "Yes, what's it to you aru?"  
Clearing his throat before carrying on "Romano said that there's something wrong with Spain, and asked me to ask you to go see him." Regarding him, looking for any sign of trickery, China looked France up and down, and France hoped to god that he saw that he was being honest, no tricks, no lies, and no pranks (which honestly, is probably what the nation was looking for). China turned towards Japan and asked "Is it okay if I go? We can carry on this discussion at a later date?" Japan simply responded with a curt nod and "Hai" before walking off to talk with Greece. France let out a sign of relief as China walked out of the room - Germany wasn't really keeping track of who was there anymore, the meeting long forgotten - and plonked himself next to a rather miserable and guilty looking Prussia. This was not going to be fun.

* * *

"Come on Spain, you have to take them off so China can look properly." Spain decided, that he was very distressed. Having gotten back to the hotel room with no major incidents, the other nation's main job was to try and get Spain ready for China's arrival. Something which he was not happy about. Not. At. All. Was he not allowed any control over what happened to his body? Then again, he suppose… after last night… he really didn't. His body hadn't done anything it had been asked to do. It wouldn't sleep, it wouldn't eat without it coming back up again - he had tried a little to eat once he got back, went straight down the toilet - and he couldn't stop crying! He didn't like it. And now Lovi was trying to take his one last bit of control… maybe he should just give up. Slumping on the bed, Spain watched as Lovi smiled in success and walked over to the bed. _Well, that makes me think of weird things... no. Bad Spain bad. I should not think of them things. It's not like Lovi will ever like me in that way anyway. I don't deserve love… who could ever love a used toy…_

Spain was broken out of his inner musings when Lovi touched his arm slightly, and he realised he was trembling. Weakling. "Spain… if you aren't comfortable with me being here, I can leave, but you have to let China look at you, there might be something really wrong." You mean apart from the obvious. "No Lovi, it's okay, really, isn't not that you're heard… it's more letting China, a country who I hardly know, poke around… down there? You understand, Si? I actually feel a little better knowing you're here…" Spain looked down at his legs that he had crossed underneath the blanket. He could still feel the blood dripping a little out of his opening, but it didn't ache like it did before and didn't hurt nearly as much. "Come on, let get you out of those cloths, you can put your pj's on if you like, but we need something to stop the blood getting all over them as well, it would be against the point otherwise." Nodding once, Spain slowly got himself of the bed, back twinging at sudden movements and moved towards the bathroom. He knew for a fact that the hotel put spare pads in the bathrooms for any women who suddenly started their period and didn't have any spares themselves. Sure, it would be embarrassing, but compared to all that he had been through as of late, it didn't seem too much of a bad deal.

Grabbing his pj bottoms and a baggy t-shirt, Spain walked into the bathroom, keeping it unlocked. He trusted Lovi. And anyway, if something was to happen, if the door was locked, they would pretty much be in the shit hole. Not that they weren't already. Starting with the easier task, Spain removed his shirt that he'd hastily thrown on just that morning and slipping on the t-shirt - black with tomatoes on it. His next job however, wasn't quite so easy. It was a pain to get the trousers undone to begin with, and now with all of the blood making the button's slippery, it was outright impossible. After struggling with the infernal buttons for about two minutes, Spain finally got them open. Next came actually taking them off, again, this normally wouldn't be a problem, but with the clothes so sticky of the red liquid, the task was troublesome. Finally, his pants. Deciding that this task would be easier sitting down than standing up, Spain moved over to the toilet and sat down on it, removing the boxers as he went, surprisingly, these where a lot easier to remove than the trousers.

Grabbing his new boxers, he pulled them up to his knees and reached for the pad. This shouldn't be too difficult right? Removing the wrapping to revel the pad with its sticky back, Spain realised a problem. _These are for women's pants… oh god, what am I supposed to do? It won't work with my boxers… and it'll be embarrassing to ask Lovi to go get some different pants for me…_ Unfortunately -or fortunately, depending on your view point - for Spain, said nation had noticed that he had been in the bathroom for quite some time, and was growing worried.

"Spain, are you okay? You've been there a long time. Do you need any help?" Spain hesitated with his answer. There was no denying he needed a little bit of help, but how was Lovi going to do anything? "A-actually, I have a small problem with the pad… Lovi, it's for girls…" A silence followed as the Italian nation digested this information. Had he understood Spain's meaning? "You mean… you can't get it on the boxers, right?" Spain just 'hmmm' in response. "Wait right there, I'll be right back." _Wait what? What is Lovi doing?_ His question was answered only half a minute later when Lovi once again knocked on the door "Oi, Spain, I'm coming in." Spain scrambled up, trying to pull up the boxer's, but only resulted in falling over when Lovi actually came in.

* * *

Seeing Spain sat there on the floor, face beet red and trying desperately to cover himself, was actually quite an amusing sight to see. If not for the situation, Romano would have laughed.

* * *

Spain couldn't help but blush a bit at the situation. Now he knew how Lovi felt every time Spain accidentally walked in on him in the toilet - the lock didn't work - yet somehow never seemed to happen to Spain himself. This was… awkward for the older nation, and on top of it, because of the fall, he could feel the blood starting to trickle out again at a faster pace. Great. It had almost stopped as well. He didn't really want Lovi looking down there. The younger nation threw something at Spain, which hit him in the face "Here. That should work better." Holding up the object away from his face, Spain saw that they were a pair of woman's underwear. "Lovi, just what am I meant to do with these? I don't understand?" Spain dazed up at the other in confusion "Put them on you idiot. The pad should fit better on that." Oh… right. At this point, Lovi left the room and Spain to his own devices. This was going to be fun - not.

Not long later, fully dressed in his pj's, Spain wondered out of the bathroom. Surprisingly, the pants were comfortable. Lovi was laid on the bed, reading what appeared to be the Italian version of Harry Potter. Spain stood there, looking around nervously, trying to find something to do before China got there. Come to think of it, what would China be doing anyway? Somehow, Spain doubted that he would like it much.

* * *

Romano wasn't afraid to say that he was a Harry Potter fan, so when he got the book out to read while waiting for Spain, he got completely engrossed in his book. So when Spain did finally enter, he'd kind of… forgotten about him, submerged in a world of dark lords and flying golden balls. It wasn't until he heard the door to the hallway creaking, indicating that it was opening. Looking up, Romano spied Spain trying to sneak through the door unnoticed. What was he doing now? "Spain, where are you going?" Tensing up, the older nation turned around and looked sheepishly at Romano, fingers drumming against his legs. "Nowhere… just looking out for China." Frowning, Romano replied "Really? Come on Spain; I'm not stupid, tell me what you're doing."

"I… I wanted to get away. What's China even going to do? I don't want China to know… and it not like I have anything else to do." Shaking his head, Romano got off the bed and padded over to Spain, placing a hand on Spain's right shoulder. "Spain, China is a doctor; he'll know what to do better than either of us. He can help you feel better. As for not having anything to do, you can always watch TV or read." "But there's nowhere to sit or anything otherwise." Romano tilted his head, what was Spain talking about? He himself was just sitting on the bed which had plenty of space for two people… oh. He got it now. Spain was uncomfortable being so close to anyone.

"Spain, you trust me, don't you?" Nodding once, Spain looked up from the floor to Romano, confusion evident on his face. "Then trust me when I say that nothing like that is ever going to happen again, I won't let it. So please Spain, let China look at you. And don't be so nervous around me, you can sit on the bed with me and watch whatever is on TV." Grabbing Spain's hand and dragging him to the bed, Romano sat down beside him and started to read again, Spain just sat there in silence for a couple of seconds before finally relaxing and leaned against the bed post, letting his mind wonder.

* * *

Ten minutes later, and Spain had half fallen asleep, sleep being something he needed desperately, since he'd only gotten three and a half hours last night and that had not been pleasant anyway. The thing that awoke him from his slumber was a knock on the door._ Hmmmm, is that China? Mi dio, what do I do? Right, calm down, Lovi is here, he'll keep me safe. I feel so pathetic… shouldn't be me protecting Lovi?_ Spain stayed in the same place as Lovi once again got up and walked to the door, which revealed, just as Spain suspected, the Chinese nation.

"Wǎnshàng hǎo Romano, is Spain here. France told me that something was wrong with him." Wǎnshàng hǎo? Wasn't that Chinese for 'good evening'? Surely Spain hadn't been out of the meeting for that long? Then again, they were quite far in anyway. "Si, come in." The formal tones that the two other counties actually made Spain quite nervous. But after all, how often did these two actually interact? While Spain was thinking about this, China had made his way over to the bed and in front of Spain, standing tall - or as tall as the short nation could make himself - with hands on hips, imitating Spain in a way. Spain may be stronger, but he's seen how well China could use that wok of his, and it probably wasn't far off knowing the Asian nation. As Spain moved back a little away from the doctor nation, said nation asked "What's the problem aru?"

"W-wel-ll, um, I'm bl-leedin-ng a little… d-down the-ere…" Spain stuttered his way through the sentence, embarrassed at the way he had put it. China tilted his head and answered "Meaning? Men don't bleed down there? What did you do?" Spain lowered his head and started to shake again, there was no way he could tell China, it was hard enough telling Lovi. Luckily, Lovi seemed to notice his discomfort and answered for him "He was… raped… by a human…" China's eyes widened and he stepped back in shock, staring at the uncharacteristic quiet nation. Spain ducked his head and turned red, embarrassed by circumstance. "How did that happen? Actually, never mind, I don't want to know." China crouched down on the bed in front of Spain and took on a less scary face "Spain, do you mind if I take a look down there, and do a rape kit? It might help find the person who did this." They could actually find that man? Really? But what's a rape kit?

"What's a rape kit?" Spain asked curiously, having never heard of one before. "Well, it's a series of 14 - or 13 for you since you're a boy - tests that I can perform to see any other injuries the rapist may have left and any prove that I might be able to find such as traces of finger nails or sperm. We can also test for any STI's. I must ask Spain, have you washed since the attack?" Spain nodded once and looked on as China signed and shook his head "It's might be harder than we thought then, since you took a wash, the remains of the attacker may have been washed away." Spain hung his head; he hadn't been thinking of that when he'd taken that bath. He didn't really regret it though; he really needed to get clean. Lovi saw his head hanging and walked over to the two nations on the bed. Using a finger, he lifted Spain's head up "Don't worry about it Spain, it's not like you could help it. Remember, none of this is your fault." _But it is my fault! If I was stronger, if wouldn't have happened. Weakling. Weakling weakling weakling! I don't deserve these people to help me! I don't deserve anything. Maybe I was just born to become like this…_

Spain felt the beginnings of tears once again for the second time that day. Damn it, he couldn't cry now, not with China here, he couldn't appear that weak, even if he was, he couldn't appear that way. Who knows what the other counties would do if they saw him in his current state. He felt Lovi's arms wrap around him. Before all of this, he would have been overjoyed that Lovi was showing affection, now all he felt was the pity from the smaller man, and he wished anything but affection. He didn't deserve their pity. "Come on Spain, let it all out." A hand on his shoulder from China. "Let it go aru. I won't tell anyone." And just like that, Spain burst into tears and collapsed on Lovi.

"I-I'm-m s-s-sorr-ry. I shou-ul-ld b-be str-ronge-er." Spain felt a hand gently pat his back and stroke up and down, in weird way, it was kind of comforting. But he was guessing that was the point. Closing his eyes to the world and the two men comforting him, Spain slid into darkness, only his own pained cries and mind were there to keep him company. Why did it have to turn out like this…

Finally, after however long - Spain wasn't really keeping track of time now - China spoke up "Spain, have you calmed down now?" Nodding silently, Spain kept his head on Lovi, listening to his heart beat and feeling his chest move up and down. "Alright then, if you're ready, could we get started on the kit?" Nodding again, all Spain wanted to do now what take a nice long nap… but he might as well get this over and done with.

"Right, first things first, do you still have the clothes from the attack aru?" Spain simply pointed at the end of the bed where his clothes still lay, untouched since the previous night. China processed to walk back over to the door to pick up a large looking bag - how had he not noticed it before - and pulled a pair of white gloves from a pocket and a plastic see-through bag. Said clothes where then placed in the bag. Turning back to Spain, China moved closer to him once again.

"I'm sorry Spain, but this is where the physical stuff starts. Don't worry, I'll explain everything as I'm going and will ask you if you're okay with things before I do them. Nothing will be done without your permission. Is that okay?" No, not really, I doubt it ever will be again… "Sure, go ahead. I'll be okay so long as Lovi is here." Spain sure hoped to God that he wasn't just lying to himself.

* * *

Prussia felt terrible. It was only meant to be an awesomely harmless prank. Showed how much he knew about the word 'harmless'. He honestly hadn't meant any harm by it, he only wanted to wind West up a little, nothing more, nothing less. If he'd known Spain would have reached like that… damn, his prank sure as hell wouldn't have happened. He wasn't looking forward to later when he would have to return to the hotel room he shared with West, a lecture almost certainly awaiting him. But for once, he honestly felt like he deserved it, never had one of his pranks reduced another to the level Spain had lowered too... really un-awesome.

Feeling a presence beside him, he looked up, expecting to find an angry looking West, only to find France instead. The man was looking down with distain, an expression he wasn't used to seeing on the eldest member of the BTT. Not speaking at all, the other nation sat down with his legs up near his chest and elbows resting on his knees. "What was that prank? I know you like doing odd things but even that was a little over the top." Prussia shrugged and went back to staring at the floor - he seemed to be doing that a lot. "I don't know, it seemed like a good idea at the time, and you didn't seem so against it." "I didn't know you were going to do that!" "Even if you did, would you have stopped me?" At the question, France lowered his gaze and stared across the room "I guess not." The two countries continued to sit on the floor in silence, the guilt over whelming, almost suffocating, even if they weren't sure what it was for. Why had Spain reacted so badly… it's not unlike what we normally do... Similar thoughts ran through their head, so many possibilities, and so many problems. Finally, Prussia spoke up "So… what do you think made Spain react like that?" France seemed to consider the answer to that for a long while before answering "Well… I think something happened last night after we left him. Romano asked China to go and see him a while ago."

Prussia immediately, out of habit, moved his head around, looking for the short nation within the room, before looking back over at France, a question on his lips "What do you think happened? Was he attacked? And if so, by whom?" France shook his head. "I think he was attacked, but I don't think it was a normal attack. Think about it, even after all of the wars he's been in, he's never been that jumpy." Prussia tilted his head to the side, what sort of attack was France talking about. Seeing Prussia's confusion, France continued "Prussia, think about the nature of your prank." _Well… I suppose it was of a sexual nature… but what could Spain be scared off because of… Oh..._

Realisation came to the Prussian quickly as he stared at France "You… you don't really think…?" France bowed his head and answered in a hushed voice "Oui… I think Spain was raped."

* * *

So far, the kit hadn't been as bad as Spain though. After getting his clothes, the Chinese nation considered doing the second step, which was to collect any debris found on him, such as dirt, hair and other foreign objects, but that had quickly thrown out the window when Spain assured him that his bath the previous night had all but gotten rid of any of this. So all they had done so far was get some fingernail samples from both of his hands, hair samples - twenty plucked from his head in total, four each from the front, back, centre, right side and left side of his head -, swabbed the inside of his mouth and collected a saliva sample. Six steps down - or so China told him -, seven more to go. _Your half way through, you can do this! _Spain told himself.

"Now Spain, at this point, you're going to have to remove your cloths. Is this okay? We cans stop now and have a break if you want." Spain briefly considered this for a moment before disregarding the idea. If he stopped now, he didn't know if he could keep going through with this, and besides, the others had to learn of his injuries eventually. "No, if I stop now, I don't know if I'll continue." China nodded and Lovi rubbed his shoulder. Lovi had been really helpful throughout the experience, rubbing Spain's back and arm when he felt Spain needed it, and Lovi had always been rather good at knowing what Spain needed.

Lifting himself of the bed - he's been sat down so far -, Spain glanced at the two other nations, who seemed to get the message and turned around before stripping himself down to nothing but the pants that Lovi had made him put on earlier, and still he managed to avoid looking at his stomach. "China… I don't have to move my pants do I?" The Chinese nation shook his head once as a no. "Okay then, I guess I'm done." Turning around, the two nations struggled to not gasp in horror, taking in all of the wounds on Spain's body. Feeling awkward, Spain used his arms to cover some of his chest and let his eye's trail off to somewhere in the corner. "Oh…Spain…" Out of the corner of his eye, Spain observed Lovi moving slowly towards him, as if scared one sudden movement would set him off, and reached out to touch him. Spain took a step back, eyes not moving from the corner, Lovi looking dejected. "Spain… I'm so, so sorry…" Looking back in the direction of Lovi, Spain replied "What are you sorry for. It wasn't that did this to me." Lovi's eye's slid down to the floor, his body shacking slightly, Spain tensing up and not once moving a muscle.

Both nations where called back from whatever dreamland they had been in by a cough from China. "Could we proceed now aru?" Spain nodded "Good, well Spain, could you lift up your arms for me so I can see you." Spain hesitantly lifted him arms, feeling even more exposed and China started to mutter to himself.

When a loud crashing sound rang around the room, both nation's jumped and looked about for the source of the noise. Stood in the middle of the room was Lovi, with one of his books held in one hand, another - he liked reading okay? - across the room near a wall. "Dammit… dammit dammit dammit!" Spain gaped at Lovi as China walked to him and pulled the book out of his hand. "Romano, this is not the way to act in this situation." Lovi dropped his head and closed his eyes "I know… but how am I suppose too react to that." Pointing at Spain's stomach, Spain knew, by pure instinct that it wasn't good, but it couldn't have been that bad right? Resisting the urge to look down, Spain asked "Lovi, what's on my stomach?" Both nations looked at him in shock, causing Spain to get nervous again. "Y-you mean you haven't looked?!" "No. I had a feeling I wouldn't like it."

Lovi was instantly as Spain's side. "Spain… you need to look." "No, why can't you just tell me?" "Because Spain" China stepped in "this isn't something me and Lovi can deal with for you." Spain lowered a hand to his stomach and felt the edge of cuts in his skin, noting that it felt like a word had been carved into him. Looking down, Spain felt absolute horror at what he saw.

_Slut._

* * *

And done another one... It's shit again...

Anywhoes, I believe a thank you for a review is in order :)

Blackwind334: Thank you for the review, it made me feel all warm and gooey inside :3

Translations:

Nunca lo haces: You never do.

Oui: Yes

Wǎnshàng hǎo: Good evening


	3. Chapter 3

For once, Germany could honestly say that he was lost. Completely and utterly lost. The world meeting had crashed and burned quicker than a spider being flushed down a plughole. Not in all the years of these meetings had a meeting concluded quite as suddenly as this one had - and it was only the first day. Germany stared around the room at the few remaining nations as they bickered amongst themselves.

Still at it - as they had been since the beginning of the meeting - England and America were arguing, the subject changing every so often, but overall, the atmosphere around the two hadn't changed. Over in one corner, Belgium and Netherlands were stood, talking quietly. The fact that they were still there didn't shock Germany an awful lot, they were under Spain for quite some time after all. He supposed some lingering attachment wasn't out of place. Sat on the floor in the corner were Prussia and France, once again, not surprising, the two were close to Spain. And last, but certainly not least - to Germany anyway - was Italy. Germany didn't need to look down to know exactly where the Italian nation was, he could feel him clinging onto his arm, pulling at the blue fabric.

"Ve~ Can we go and see big brothers Spain and Romano now Doitsu? Please can we please?" The smaller nation clung on tighter and wailed at Germany, as he had been doing for the last half an hour. The only thing that had been holding him back from just going on his own was Germany, and he was hesitant to go anyway. Somehow, they came to the conclusion that they should wait it out and see who would be left after the meeting, meaning the people that would be most worried about Spain.

Seeing no one that might have intention to hurt or embarrass the older nation, Germany strode over to the middle of the room and spoke up "Italy and I are going to see if Spain is alright, anyone who wants to come, tag along by all means." Soon enough, the two of them where crowded by the other nations - four of them - other than America and England, who hadn't seemed to realise that everyone else had left. America just shrugged his shoulders and walked out of the room, muttering under his breath about hamburgers. England paused for a brief second, but soon followed the 'hero' nation. _So six of us… That shouldn't be too many nations at once would it? And having Prussia there won't upset him to much will it?_

Germany hoped not.

* * *

China didn't like this.

But if he didn't like it, he hated to think what Spain would be feeling.

Looking on as Spain gaped down at his stomach; China felt his own stomach churn something nasty, his breakfast threatening to make a sudden reappearance. Forcing the feeling down, China took a step forward as Spain felt around the cuts with his right hand, poking at them as if they weren't part of his own body. _Out of body experiences - _his mind helpfully supplied him with information on what behaviour to expect out of a rape victim. He supposed Spain would be having quite a few differences in behaviour now. He'd have to fill Romano in on them later.

As for now: China had to focus. Slowly making his way to the unfocused nation, China raised a hand and curiously reached for Spain's shoulder, shaking him gently. The other nations head shot up, the fog in his eyes clearing and flashing momentarily before returning to the dull green - _has his eyes always been that colour? - _And covering his stomach with his arms.

"I-I'm alright. It's not like it's not true… I've got to learn to accept it… why not start now right?" China felt his skin heat up and arm starting to shake. Did Spain really think that about himself? He really believed he deserved all of this? The look in Spain's eyes told him all he needed to know. It was true… Spain really did… really did think of himself as a slut. Stopping his shaking hand - it appeared to have startled Spain as he moved away from the fuming nation - and letting it hang at his side, China was lost for words. In all his time, he's never had this sort of problem, and now he had no idea what to say to the other nation, no idea how to react. Was there even a way to react in this situation?

Apparently so, as China had forgotten completely about Romano.

"What the fuck you bastard!" The sound of skin on skin rung across the room. Romano's hand hovered close to Spain's face, which was craned back from the force of the slap, eyes open in terror, cheek red. "How could you say something like that? You can't honestly think you deserved this can you? No one deserves this… no one…" Romano's voice trailed off into a mere whisper. He stepped back to China's level and moved his hand to the back of his neck, rubbing up and down. "I'm sorry Spain, I didn't mean to hit you… it… it was just my automatic reaction." Spain continued to stare at Romano in horror, fear flooding his eyes and shaky legs moving back.

"Get out." The words shot at Romano, not from the frightened nation, but from China himself. He honestly didn't know where they came from, but he didn't regret it. He had to get Romano out of there before he caused any more harm, and his being there was certainly doing that. He could let Romano back in once the exam was over and he could talk to him properly.

The younger nation needed a lesson in psychology.

* * *

Spain couldn't get his heat to stop racing. Lovi, his Lovi, had hit him. Hit him. And while it didn't hurt physically too much, damn it hurt inside. Somehow, he found himself back in that alleyway, back to being useless, back to the complete and utter _fear. _Only, instead of his attacker, it was Lovi that was the cause. _No, calm down, Lovi won't hurt me like that; Lovi would never hurt me like that… would he? But what if he wanted to, what could I do? Would I be able to stop him? Can I do anything anymore… can I? _Spain was pulled out of his inner musings when China's voice cropped up, loud and clear "Get out."

_What's going on? What did I miss? _ Looking around, it was still just the three of them, and by the looks of it, that comment was directed at Lovi. Panic rushed though Spain "No wait! Please don't leave me again!" He managed to grasp the end of the other's shirt sleeve. He didn't know why he was so desperate for Lovi to stay, but he was. _Why? Why am I so confused? Lovi just hurt me, I was just thinking about him hurting me, why don't I want to let him go? _The poor Spanish nation was so confused; thinking was hurting his head, so he just gave up on that, preferring to show his feelings in action. Grabbing his hand, and holding on tightly, Spain took a shaky breath.

"Please don't leave…" taking another breath before standing up straight and looking over at China "I won't continue this without him. Please, he's the only one I feel safe around at the moment… please." Spain watched the elderly nation wrinkle his nose in distrust and annoyance, before sighing heavily and nodding his head. "Fine, but if Romano pulls any crap like that again aru, he's gone." Spain felt himself relax, just a tiny little bit. Lovi put him at ease, even with his violent temper. _He'd never hurt me, at least, not in that way. _

China gestured to the bed and said "Now, let's continue. Spain, if you would prefer, you can either lie or sit on the bed." Spain really didn't want to be stood up for however long this would take, so opted to sit on the bed, picked up a pillow, hugging it to his chest, leaning back on the headboard. "Spain, you're going to have to move the pillow so I can actually see your injuries." Spain nodded, and put the pillow back. The Chinese nation picked up a clipboard and paper from his bag and processed to check Spain's body for injuries. "This isn't actually part of the rape kit; I'm just seeing where you have injuries that might get infected and need treatment later on." Spain was told as he rolled over onto his fount so China could see his back, Lovi moved to sit on the floor next to the bed, only an arm's reach away from him. He didn't mind, and the longer before he had to, well, remove his last piece of clothing, the better.

Finishing up on his chart, China placed it back in the bag. "Spain, well, you'll, need to remove your… underwear now." He moved his eyes to look down at his underwear - Dios it was embarrassing having to wear these - sat up some more, and processed to remove his last article of clothing. Face gradually getting darker. Once off, he hurriedly grabbed the pillow again and moved it over his crotch. China once again reached into his bag to retrieve something - a comb it looked like - "Spain, would you please move the pillow again, I'm going to collect hair samples now." Spain nodded and moved the pillow again.

It was going to be a long day.

* * *

_I think I'll get pasta after this ve~ _was pretty much the second most important thing to Italy at this present moment in time. The bouncy brunet walked at a fast pace to keep up with the taller Germany and the rest of the nations, on their way to the hotel that Spain was currently staying at. The first most important though was however, _I hope big brother Spain is okay…_

Italy wasn't one to worry usually. In fact, he could likely count the number of times he'd been worried with his fingers on one hand. But something about Spain's behaviour today had set him on edge, and for once, he was paying enough attention to see that he wasn't the only one. As the group climbed up the stairs of the hotel Spain was staying in, Italy couldn't help but notice the way Netherlands and Belgium were practically holding hands as they went, bumping against one and other, most likely as a support mechanism, or the way Germany's shoulder's tensed up, or how Prussia and France were muttering into each other's ears. Italy briefly wondered if they knew what the cause of Spain's odd behaviour was, until he realized that if they knew, the chances were, Spain wouldn't have ended up in that state. Indeed, Italy could pay attention when he wanted to, and this was most certainly one of those times.

Italy could feel a buzzing in his fingertips as they finally came to a stop outside Spain's door, voices muffled through the door so they couldn't hear what was going on inside. A single knock on the door from Germany and a call of "Spain, are you in?" was all it took to pause the mutterings in the room before being answered with "Go away you potato bastard, we're busy." _Fratello's still there? That's odd. Normally; Romano wouldn't spend this long with Spain, even if he is upset. _This though worried Italy even more, setting him to wonder what on earth could have happened to Spain.

"Romano, won't you let us in, we're just worried about Spain." Italy may not talk to Belgium much, but he did know that Romano had a crush on her when he was little - the odd peak into his old diary wasn't going to hurt anyone - and if anyone could convince Romano to let them in, it was her. More talking could be heard behind the door before Romano replied again "I'm sorry Bella, but it's not my place to let you in, if you really want to see Spain, you'll have to wait twenty minutes." Sighing softly and stepping away from the door, Belgium turned towards the general direction of the group "Guess we'll just have to wait it out." Italy dropped his head and moved to lean against the wall so he could sit on the floor while they waited. As he did this, Netherlands spoke up "Shouldn't we move downstairs and wait in the lobby, it's more comfortable than the floor." Italy watched on as everyone nodded their heads in agreement and pushed himself back off the wall to stand up straight and began to walk down to the lobby with everyone else.

_I wonder if they sell pasta here._

* * *

Spain sighed in relief when China said he was finally done.

For the past ten minutes, he had been feeling rather uncomfortable at the position he had found himself in, legs in the air, the nation that had been deemed the doctor of the group poking around his lower regions, which he most certainly didn't want being poked around. Lovi had been most patience throughout the entire ordeal, not minding, or at least not complaining, when Spain had reached for his hand and refused to let go, squeezing on tightly as time went on. He swore he could feel the other squeeze back and rub his thumb lightly along his skin, which even if he didn't know if it was actually happening or not, was a nice comfort.

"You okay?" Spain looked up at the younger nation and nodded. He couldn't believe that this was the same nation that he raised, that relied on him so much in the past, the nation that was now going to be his rock in trade for all the hours put into raising him. He felt his heart break a little at how it had turned out, his little Lovi all big and strong. _Stronger than me… he wouldn't have let this happen. _Resigning himself to get up off the bed, Spain was soon in the bathroom with a pile of clean clothes for him to put on. Despite the closed door, he could still hear the other two talking if he was quiet enough.

"What are we going to do? We can't do this on our own; I have no idea how to deal with this, how I am going to help Spain. I can barely handle my own emotions, let alone his."

"Well, you're just going to have to learn to put him first for a while, I can help and stay with you for a while, but not for long, I have my own country to run."

Established that someone was going to stay with him, Spain paused in changing, and thought about it. What would it be like to live with someone again? He hadn't lived with anyone for centuries now. Ever since Lovi left, he's been alone. Would it nice? Or would he just end up feeling awkward in his own home? Before he could think about it more, the talking started up again.

"You don't think he'll agree to telling anyone else would you? It'll make my life easier."

Gulping, Spain started to shake again. Did he have to tell others? He really didn't want to, not with how Lovi reacted. He didn't think he could hold himself together if that happened again. He didn't want to cry again, he didn't want to be this weak. Come to think of it, how did this happen, sure he was drunk, but being drunk didn't make up for the fact that he was still strong, physically speaking, and had years upon years of fighting experience. How could he let this happen to himself? Thinking about it like that, he started to see why Lovi did react the way he did, hell, if it was him, he's be disbelieving as well. Maybe the marking on his stomach where more accurate that he though. This realisation brought Spain to his knees again, kneeling over the toilet. Luckily, he was already mostly dressed; all he had left were socks and a jumper. Yellow bile sprung up from the depths of his stomach and landed in the toilet, acid making his throat sore, forcing him to cough up more of the disgusting slick.

Despite his discomfort, he was still using his other senses, and picked up the open and close of a door. Great, they must have heard and come to rescue him. He didn't want their help anyway! He could do this alone, he could do anything alone, he doesn't need help!

When he felt the hand land on his should, instead of the embracing it and maybe leaning a little into it, he simply shrugged it off and muttered a quick "Go away" before leaning over to spew more of the vile gunk out of his body. Ignoring the shuffling next to him, he reached out for some toilet paper to wipe his mouth with and found another hand, holding his wrist and another moving to do the very job he'd set out to do.

"You know, you shouldn't push us away, it won't help." Spain opened his mouth to reply, but all he managed was to open it slightly before Lovi's hand moved under his chin and forced him to keep his mouth shut. "Let us help you, tell me, what wrong, apart from the obvious, at the moment? Penny for your thoughts?" Lovi moved again to let Spain speak, and to flush the now spoiled piece of toilet paper down the toilet. Spain ducked his head. He didn't want to share his thoughts with Lovi at the moment, and after all, his thoughts weren't even worth a penny anymore. "It nothing."

"Don't try and pull crap like that on me. I don't call throwing up like you've eaten a feast of English food nothing!" Spain started to worry his lower lip, to tell or not to tell. Would Lovi turn his back on him, again, if he told him? He'd certainly agree that Spain deserved it, for not being strong enough.

"I-it's just, why are you helping me, I don't deserve your help. It's as the markings says. I mean, look at how you reacted, you were right, I'm a country, an ex-empire, how could I let this happen? Maybe, just maybe, I wanted, no, needed it, on some level. God I'm disgusting! How can you bare to look at me?" All of this came flowing out his mouth before he even knew what he was saying, and next thing he knew, arms where wrapped tightly around him, all the while, his mouth continued to move, prose of how worthless and horrible and dirty he was, swallowing him up. "I'm sick! I'm sick, and a whore and, shit! What if it happens again? What will I do? Lovi, Lovi, please, please tell me that I'm wrong; please tell me it's okay; that it's okay to be a slut?"

Lovi just tightened his arms around Spain, making hushing noises, trying in vain to calm the panicking nation down. "I'm sorry, Spain, but I can't tell you that…" at that, the upset nation started choking, unable to say anything, unable to do anything but digest what the other just said. _Oh god, he agrees! He's disgusted by me. Why! Why did this have to happen to me? But I guess… it would have happened eventually… I'm sick…_

"But Spain, you're not a slut, so you don't need to worry about that okay? It's not your fault, if it's anyone's fault, it's mine, and France's and Prussia's. We shouldn't have left you like that in a city you hardly know when you aren't quite sober." Shrugging off Lovi, Spain shuffled away from him, eye's down-cast, nose sniffling. It was then he noticed the lack of a certain Chinese nation. "Where's China?" He asked. "Oh, he went outside to phone up the local hospital so see if he could use their lab to look at the test with. No signal." "Oh…"

"Spain, please let me in, talk to me. I want to know what you're going through." At that, Spain gritted his teeth and clenched his hand until the skin turned white. There was no way Lovi could ever know what he was going through! Never in a million year. One day ago, Spain himself wouldn't have been able to understand it, so what chance would Lovi have? None, that's how much chance he had… had it really only been a day? It seemed like much longer than that… like a life time had already passed. Was this was life was going to be like from now on? Basically a living hell, unable to turn off the hurt and the _how scared he was._

"Lovi… there is no way, you could ever, ever know what I'm going through." A pause, and then "Then tell me so I can at least understand."

Spain could honestly say that that was not what he expected Lovi to say. What was expected was a tantrum like usual and a whole lot of shouting. Could he do that, tell Lovi exactly how he was feeling…

"Si, I'll tell you… but not now, later." Lovi started to open his mouth to argue, but Spain just held up a hand, silencing him "Later." Now was not the best time after all, Spain had a lot of people down stairs to put at rest.

* * *

France, for lack of a better word, was bored. Bored bored bored! The twenty minutes was quickly turning into half an hour, and if Spain didn't come down soon, he would have to resign to retiring for the night. Prussia wasn't in much of a better shape by the looks of it, yawing every so often, trying -and not succeeding - to hide it from France. When China finally came down, they all expected Spain and Romano to follow soon after, but when they waited another five minutes, they all started to worry.

"Maybe I should head up and see what they're doing aru?" Most nodded in agreement, and sat back down to wait again while China started toward the room. Luckily, before he had to start climbing, Romano and Spain appeared anyway. Now France, being the nation that he is, didn't like to let onto how in touch he was with others, that was just the way he was, but he had to admit, the way Spain was standing, holding himself was… a little concerning. To someone who wasn't looking for it, you wouldn't notice, but after his and Prussia's earlier conversation, it was painfully obvious. The way he stood slightly behind Romano, the way his head fell to the floor and eye darting around. Spain, was uncomfortable, that much was clear.

Everyone stood around in silence for a grand total of five seconds before Spain looked up at them with his usual goofy grin, and everyone relaxed – with the exception of France, Prussia, Romano and China that is. Even Prussia could tell the difference between a real smile and a fake when looking for it.

"Hola amigo's, what're you all doing here?" As expected, the first to answer was the oblivious Italian "Ve~ we wanted to make sure that big brother Spain was okay after earlier~" "Si, I'm fine now, nothing to worry about." came the cheerful response. If France hadn't of had the conversation with Prussia at the meeting, he would have just written it off as a freak panic attack. No such luck.

As - for the majority of the nations - everyone seemed reassured, they quickly made their getaway - Netherlands mumbling under his breath about stupid Spaniards, making him worry for no reason -, France couldn't help but wonder if they really cared about Spain at all, surely the four that were left couldn't be the only ones to see something was wrong with Spain. Then again, the other two already sounded like they knew what was going on.

With everyone but the five of them gone - himself, Prussia, Romano, China, and of course, Spain – France finally approached Spain properly and tried to drag him off into the corner to talk to him, but not before Romano stood between the two of them, Spain had to put a hand on his should and muttered a quick "It's fine." in his ear. He and Prussia wanted answers. "Spain, what happened last night after we left you?" Not bothering to beat around the bush, he had a feeling that would get him nowhere. "What? Nothing happened last night, what makes you think something did?" Spain was scratching the back of his head, clearly nervous, only a fool wouldn't be able to see it, and France was no fool.

"Spain, don't think a fool of me, I'm not stupid, I can see something's wrong, tell me, what happened last night?" France could see Spain was clearly shaking now, he thought it was because he was thinking about last night - whatever did happen – thought he wasn't sure if it was out of anger or fear. The next sentence to come out his mouth quickly told him which, and told him that something had happened, that he was 100% sure of.

"SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP! YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED! SO WHEN I TELL YOU NOTHING HAPPENED, NOTHING DID, OKAY… okay? Please, let's not talk about it… I swear nothing happened…" The nation was shaking twice a badly now, breaths coming out short and like he wasn't getting enough oxygen, and it accorded to him somewhere in his brain, that the nation was hyperventilating, and he should probably do something to help him, but the only thing that could process was that Spain just lost his temper. France could honestly say he couldn't remember the last time he saw Spain lost his temper like that.

As the nation in front of him continued to struggle to breath, France felt himself been shoved out of the way by Romano and watched on as China guided the other nation down to sit on the floor, place his head between his knees and gave him a brown paper bag to help him with his breathing. China must have had a spare in his medical bag.

"You better go now." France slowly nodded once, barely able to think of anything else as he pulled Prussia along, out the hotel lobby, and away from Spain.

* * *

Ahhhhhhh! I'm so sorry for taking so long with this!

A Level's are a bitch.

Mwaaaaa, thanks for the reviews :3

Even if I did get called evil…

Also, I'm sorry this is a tad on the short side, but I really struggled with this chapter, my muse just vanished one day and took ages to return!

EDIT:

I think I got most of the spelling mistakes in this now.

...

I really need to get around to getting a beta...


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